see no evil. speak no evil. hear no evil.

on the trip t and back from sungei buloh nature reserve, it was just me and my nano. and maybe the window. judging from the pandemonium the people at the back were probably having a hell of a time- i had t raise the volume of my nano for that.

incidentally amidst the music (and the clutter) i was pre-occupied with a thought- whether i'd rather lose my eyesight, my voice, or my sense of hearing. in the end within myself i came t a consensus (as pengho likes t put it) i really couldnt afford t lose either. like hello thats bullshit, thats what i'd figured you'd say.

my point? we take things for granted, and we all know it. cherish whatever you have, your eyesight, your organs, your loved ones, cause who knows when you might lose it. dont burn late nights just because you dont care. t see t feel t hear. its a blessing, not your prerogative. you only live once, and there isnt enough time for additional regrets.

think about it.

happy 86th birthday grandma. you live t see another year. (;

another day on earth.

late nights run long, inevitably the thoughts come running in. especially when you're alone, it always ends up with me questioning my own existence. my life has been on the downside, ever since secondary one, when i got posted t dunman high. personally i dont think it has anything t do with the school (but you never know), there are alot of students who are way better off than me ( i mean EVERY student is way better off than i am) but okay whatever. the point is, the discipline records, the retainment, everything. all has but become a part of my 'less than dramatic' life its starting t make me think im probably god's idea of a joke, which some people might second that by saying," but zhihao, you ARE a joke." so yeah, okay. anyway in that sense god has a really bad sense of humour. ><

then, yesterday i was at the hospital, and i saw many children. some suffering from schizophrenia, others, psychiatric disorders. i sort of felt lucky i was at least somewhat normal, with the whole functioning brain thing. and there was this particular girl who was talking t herself, "what is schizophrenia?..... i have schizophrenia!" and she started smiling away. uhh okay. right. then again, according t my observations these spastic children are seemingly happier. is this what they call, ignorance is bliss?

oh well. in any case the world's a shithole, and we're all in it.