A trip t the movies

Seeing people everyday;
watching- as they walk away.


Been on the new job for two days running now. Tiring- got back at half past 3 am last night- but nonetheless rewarding. Golden village's nothing like Thai Pan; more formal, more regulated. You feel -for me at least- more like a working individual rather than a "call and go" worker. The weekly sign-ins for movies and EoM complimentary passes make up for the meagre 4 an hour pay. I'm contented. ^_^ Sort of.

Black court shoes make the feet go sore.

For those who know my location, please do not come and visit/disturb/laugh at me, am pretty much in my own world right now- of people i don't quite know- and not ready for the intervention of familiar faces. Yet.

My movie-buff dream; thank god, for i'm halfway there.

Secrets of an innocent world.

No hatchery, no plot
of innocence and secrets
pure naivety in thought

No guessing, no doubt
of love and contention
the ignorance of flout

I'm tired of trying, trying t comprehend
those things i don't know, those things i can't understand.
those neuro-mechanisms, within cartilage and skull-
i implore t know why; i seek t know how.

Why can't we be like them-
like how we were at young,
simple, honest, sincere
like the songs, we have sung.

Truth, therefore i ask-
nothing more, alas.
t break me free from these chains of speculation,
these surges of contemplation,
only, for a little more innocence, inside.

Grow old with me.

That is what learning is-
You suddenly understand something
you've understood all your life, but in a new way.

-Doris Lessing-

And everyday, i learn.
And t hone, t master, the ability t discern-
fact, from fiction.

Alone.

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.

The things i do- some, cant comprehend.
Theories i derive- some, cant understand.
Giving it my all, all for a friend.
and for the mere lock and key theory; fitting in- I pretend.

I always thought I was different, somehow; different from the rest.
Or maybe, I'm just too ordinary- amidst these exceptionals.

My life is hanging on a thread- please don't snap it for me.

Yes, the exams are over. But the worst, is not.
Yes, papers are laid aside. But my worries, they're not.
T feel stupendously wonderful, absolved with contentment, with jubilation, with delectation- of the things I'm not.
I know, it is no longer a possibility for a TA3 promotion, for mainstream's the only plausible direction; math was a complete failure. Even that does not deny me the liberation of these deadlocks; it is the ambiguity of the latter that scares me most. The uncertainty of those stacked reincarnations that lay amidst it's others- our examination scripts.
Will i even get into the J1 cohort? If i don't, what then?
I have invested adequate, if not ample effort, into the End Of Years, of which i derive minimal comfort and sporadically-bestowed praise from the mother. Effort involved in a transfiguration t knowledge sufficient, but practice, otherwise. I have come t and i must, admit therefore- I have yet t give my all. This could be the beginning, of a future I've never thought of arriving (for the lack of a better word) at. A future, in very much a literal sense, full of shit. And nothingness.

And for tonight only, I turn t pessimism.

Perhaps.