My life is hanging on a thread- please don't snap it for me.

Yes, the exams are over. But the worst, is not.
Yes, papers are laid aside. But my worries, they're not.
T feel stupendously wonderful, absolved with contentment, with jubilation, with delectation- of the things I'm not.
I know, it is no longer a possibility for a TA3 promotion, for mainstream's the only plausible direction; math was a complete failure. Even that does not deny me the liberation of these deadlocks; it is the ambiguity of the latter that scares me most. The uncertainty of those stacked reincarnations that lay amidst it's others- our examination scripts.
Will i even get into the J1 cohort? If i don't, what then?
I have invested adequate, if not ample effort, into the End Of Years, of which i derive minimal comfort and sporadically-bestowed praise from the mother. Effort involved in a transfiguration t knowledge sufficient, but practice, otherwise. I have come t and i must, admit therefore- I have yet t give my all. This could be the beginning, of a future I've never thought of arriving (for the lack of a better word) at. A future, in very much a literal sense, full of shit. And nothingness.

And for tonight only, I turn t pessimism.

Perhaps.

Your mind, a funny thing.

Like the sun;
a rise or a set-
that's just your myopic perception.

If the sun never sets,
how then, if i may ask,
does it rise?

The stern definition of what's good and what's bad- that in itself, revolves around the subject of controversy. There is- in my book of facts- no clear distinction between good or bad; it is a mere image which society wants you t perceive, a norm that has been socially accepted for so long, it seems silly t even question it's authenticity. But is it true, really?

That's the question.

You struck lottery- that's a good thing, isn't it?
(Society wants you t think it's a good thing- how else do they get you t buy the tickets)
But... what about greed?
What about being 'down t earth'?
What about the belittlement of the importance of hard work?
What about the notion of 'easy money'?
Now that's bad, isn't it?
So, do you still call it a good thing?

Yes, you do.

Why?
Because you've won the lottery, God damn it, who complains when they win lottery; there's nothing bad in getting more money, is there?
But there is.
There is.
That's the thing, see.
Everyone knows (or they think they do) that there're pros and cons in everything that happens t us. We define something t be good, when it's pros over weighs it's cons, and vice versa, for something bad.
That's it.
That's the particular 'weighing process' that discerns one individual's claim from another.
The process that explains why your mom thinks football is stupid when you clearly don't;
why your school sets regulations about your skirt when you find it utterly silly.
So, there really isn't a clear cut definition.
Good, Bad.
It's all in your head.
Up there.

Taking that everything above is accurate (however minutely possible that might be), and that your mind defines what's good and what's bad, then for that and that alone, I choose optimism, where everything (no matter how terrible) is good eventually. Shit's not getting me down; for

'What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.'

The last time i checked, I'm still alive.

over a cup of long black- let's talk about our death.

Through the gates of heaven;
the way down need not lead t hell.
Conformity seizes individualism.
Populistic perception -as we see it- kills us all.
I don't want t be.
I recognise my difference- in ideas, in views, in life.
Yet I can never break away.
Merely for two words - social suicide.

Sports and society.
Of two cohorts.
12 people-
You.
The odds?
Jesus.

And i find, with gradual increment, i am alone.