deck the halls, the hol's are here.

Alas. the june holidays.
long awaited, though the year's been fairly fast, t be entirely honest.
nevertheless, it wasn't nearly what i expected.

no big hoohas
no shouts
no screams
no yipee-dee-doos

which really means the same thing-
no explicit forms of happiness, so t speak.
it's probably the JCT, that's such a joy buster.

this mid term arrival passed so subtlely, for some reason, which kills the anticipation, really.
but, whatever.

got the other ear pierced,
in house dye job pretty much of a failure-
considering the brown only shows under the light,
caught pirates twice, in two days
and orlando bloom is still fucking hot.
(im very clear of my sexual orientation, thank you.)
which is also why kiera knightley is a slut-
for kissing a random white haired ape.
and..
i loved these two days, if anything.
thank you. (:

five days
120 hours
7200 minutes
432000 seconds
that's a long time.
im gonna miss you.

what i did

and it hurts me more than you'll ever know.


im sorry. i didn't mean for it t be this way.

when the world came crashing down

tonight, Gabrielle died. taking along everything i ever had, have or will ever have, with it. till the end it was probably never reciprocated. but one thing remained- my love for her; though she never did like t hear those words.

this love has clearly transcended stubbornness- its fastened, locked firmly somewhere, within the depths of my soul.
the heart bleeds with every pulsation
for you and you alone hold the key
t every rupture; and rapture-
loving you, is a curse im willing t take,
for the rest of my life.
im sorry,
i'll take no other,
for this stupid love is here t stay.

love; i hate the word, but that's the only verb apt enough, t describe my affection for you.

one word-sigh.

i thought there was something;
that you felt something.
i guess i was wrong.

in the end,
i dont mean anything at all.
anything, at all.

how could something that felt so right(that night)
go so wrong.
i wished it wasn't true,
but all your actions pointed it to.
tell me,
was it something that i did
or something that i said
t sow this seed of hope-
hope that never grew.

the only thing left t do
is t tell you-
i was true.
girl, it really was,
all about you.

Cold but wonderful.

as he drew near, with it in his hand
that look on her face,
flushed with red- still evidently happy,
bridged later by a 'thank you.'
and that was when he knew
it was all worth it.
and that was all he needed t know,
on a cold, wonderful wednesday.
-it was worth it.

tonight she planted a seed in his heart.
a seed, of hope.

/putting everything right again.

I've never given so much for a person, not even the ex lover-sadly, and ironically gotten so little. Im never the one t be this nice, it just isn't me, and perhaps, just perhaps, being this nice has contributed (one way or another) t the loss, of that particular sense of adrenaline rush and the guessing element in any courtship. Which, if its the case, i think, would be the biggest mistake of my lifetime. I would do anything t make this work.
Anything.

Nevertheless.
Thank you for the good memories.
and sorry for the bad ones, if any.

im still missing you, badly.

love

"Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope and patience never fail. Love is eternal. There are inspired messages, but they are temporary; there are gifts of speaking in strange tongues, but they will cease; there is knowledge, but it will pass. For our gifts of knowledge and of inspired messages are only partial; but when what is perfect comes, then what is partial will disappear.
Meanwhile these three remain; faith hope and love; and the greatest of these is love."
-corinthians 13

love does not have prerequisites. you could be mentally impaired- and you could love.

i could stand here, and love you from afar; or next t you, and it wouldn't make hell of a difference.
that's because i love you, and love doesnt seek t possess.

give me a chance, and i'll give you,
a tale of a lifetime.

a blatant confession t you, jt.

i used t live for the momentary heaven;
when i get t see you everyday, below your place.
but today, its been taken away from me,
that bitter rejection.
with that gone, what then,
should i be living for?

the reminiscence?

even then, my love stands strong with unwaivering faith. Yes- love.

the three words i once swore never t use, ever again-
i love you.

struck down

"All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages."
-William Shakespeare

i wish i were a psychologist-
i'd be able t read your mind, t implore the thoughts within that skull, t know, what exactly could you be thinking.
i wish i were a cardiologist-
i'd be able t open your heart, and maybe find out the place i stand, within that meagre size of a fist.
i wish i were a magician-
i'd be able t conjure spells, and infuse them inside your thoughts.
i wish i were god-
i'd be able t create miracles and maybe in all my glory (amen), i could change everything.

i wish for all these, and so much more.
but alas, im nothing, nothing i ask for.


what part am i playing now?
the lover- the silent role.

dream

i had a dream-
i dreamt of you.

the silence of the darkness
broken by a glimmer of light
amidst the illumination
that slim silhouette
enunciating the curves of a lady
emerging from the fog-
the mixture of water and air
that striking resemblance..
of you.
and as you drew closer
our distance got further
for between us
a word encapsulating barrier stood;
jealousy
indifference
him
and probably a vacuum-
nothing at all.
and so i held your hand
with hope in my heart
to bring it all together again.

last night
i had a dream,
a dream of you.

this, is for you.

you know (or at least i hope you do)
that i didnt mean for this t happen
especially when,
just a couple of minutes back
everything was fine.
i wish, for the millionth time
i could take back the words
and maybe
things wouldn't be so bad.
at least,
your hostility wouldn't be killing me.
in any case,

im sorry.


im not well enough for school tomorrow.
not well enough at all.