unexpected.

thank you mr marcus tan.

for making my screwed up day a hell lot better.

little gestures like these (though oftenly unnoticed) see me through everyday.

thank you.

its all i know.

a quick descent
followed by a distinct thud.

with eyes open (for the last time)
capturing the world like a photograph.
before battered eye lids shut-
an eternal goodbye.

i bid you adieu.


it's pointless. and im tired. but i'm still waiting.

this is hilarious.

a couple of days back, yuhang ellery and i went t coldstorage.

and we saw britney's YOUNGer brother! he hardly looks like her, i swear.

and her pretty dog! just that it got mashed up, some how. :/

so we were going on about how we could make our chicken rice taste really good. and we decided the best way would be t

yes spam garlic!

spam spam spam. then we got tired from all the spamming.

so we all decided t do pull ups!

BUT WE COULDN'T. which is why we became all

yeah, we went all emo. =(
(yimoo pantyliners, the one and only. :D)

butbut, there's no need t worry, for we had a secret weapon.

pull-ups training pants! just wear them, and pull-ups are not a problem. :D

but due t all the muscle building during training, like any other superhero we became..

the mighty maids. :D



so one day as we were making our rounds saving people, i passed a room.

there were two people inside.

one guy was speaking italian (i had no idea what he was mumbling)

and the other was a chinese girl.

suddenly, the chinese blushed. WHY?!

with hypersuperintergalacticbrainwaves i found out the answer. cause she saw the..

fancy changing his clothes in front of her, really.


on a more serious note.


DEATH NOTE! hahaha.

death's serious enough, eh.


i miss you so much. a self inflicted coma.
lyrics this may be. but truth it is, t me.

still fictional.

today i met gabrielle again.

its been years since i last saw her. her hair was still miraculously ostentatious- how she kept it in the exact same state, i have no idea- it was the hair, that caught my eye, t be entirely honest. she was pretty much the girl i knew before, only a brief discrepancy in her complexion- she was no longer fair. when our eyes met, she blinked for a moment, superseded by a smile. the crooked smile i remembered, one corner of her mouth curling up as though constantly mocking someone. hardly insulting; unique, really. i could swear it was just her mouth shape.

her brown eyes were rimmed ludicrously with long captivating lashes and there was a network of lines that creased in coordination everytime she smiled. despite the undeniable proof of age- wrinkles-
she was still beautiful.

there's something about her that just made her.. different. when she was being nice to you there was a sound she somehow managed t conjure from the back of her throat- a beat of a surpressed laugh, much like a hiccup- and it made whatever you said sound more amusing than it was. when she wasnt, she made it a point you'd know.

a simple hi as we brushed one another, a sensory touch; her shoulder and mine.

followed by a goodbye. and a sweet remembrance, likely forever.

happy birthday.

its hard t say this without sounding condescending

but thank you guys, for everything/

and you, especially.

happy birthday t me. :D

and the condoms- they're a first, really. :/

its fictional.

the first time you were brought t my attention was at the library; which, i couldnt remember. but it was a library. it was distinctive, how provocative you were, for a girl your age. yet interesting t see someone brave enough (hardly stupid) t abolish the conventional demure female stereotype. you seemed instinctively familiar, as though i've seen you before, yet i couldnt recall where.

until i saw you again, in campus. it was brief, but i was certain. (that hair colour of yours, its hard t miss, really.) and i knew, i HAD t see you again.

in my search of names i was expecting "melissa", "sasha" or anything of that sounded outgoing, but it had t be the complete polar opposite- Gabrielle. it was a beautiful name, just that i couldnt exactly match the name.. t the face.

it was only later that i found out you worked at the library; i sent in an application.

working with you allowed me t get close t you, t watch and t observe you. it was wonderful- the way you would push the locks of your hair behind your ears, the way your eyes glistened when caught by the light, your disbelieving ignorance t 'please's and 'thank you's, and your dimpled filled laughter.

it was almost psychedelic.

the times when we would accidentally come into contact, your hand against mine. those were the times we were bounded by a handcuff, only invisible,
for an eternal second.

and i thought t myself,

im in love.

/i thank you

for the reliving of the long lost experience of crying in my sleep.


so i cry in my sleep, how the fuck do i care whether you think im gay or otherwise.

and the apprehension to be friends again, at least eventually.

how can things get so terrible even when im half the world away from it.
hell, we're not even talking.

everyday i die a little. it just gets worse.

unspoken

to think you have everything when really, you have nothing at all.

nothing.

blah shit (:

someone, in exact words-
"why dont you update your stinking blog!"
so here i am.

training has taken up ALOT of my time, i swear. and its evident that has caused my lack of attention during lessons, which is terrible, really. 3/24 for chemistry. not t mention that pep talk from mr lau. but the silliest thing is, despite all the trainings, i cant play for the team, plainly because im retained. warped! my flabber has never been so gasted. anyway, of the matches against three schools, the guys never won a single point. a 5-0 loss t all three. :(
pathetic, i know.

andAND i still cant believe the card i found was yours. (i've said it many times i know) but me, of all people, who are you kidding? namely two embarrassing incidents happened and no, i do NOT want t talk about it!

the parents are scheduled only t be back next saturday, i think. i have roughly a week without nagging and extra extra freedom but therein lies the problem- self control.

i hate my life and i've totally lost the motivation t do anything, anything at all. apart from talking t certain people.

which explains- im absolutely optimistic, i swear!